At the risk of sounding like Ignatious J. Reily I really feel that finally I am moving into an upward cycle in my life! I learned a lot about myself in the last year. A lot of it ruled, but a lot of it sucked. I think I am really ready to take what I learned about myself in this last year and finally apply it. I'm still transitioning, and thats a hard place to break free of, but I think I've almost got it. I'm working on getting rid of the leftovers. I'm starting to try and clean up my room, and throw out books, clothes, jewllery, whatever I don't use and don't need. I'm going to get rid of gifts that hold the psychic energy of relationships past (and NO! I'm not talking about just Erik.) Not everything given from these relationships have the psychic energy. It's not like I'm getting rid of everything I ever got from from certain people. But just waste, and things that are holding me to the past. I've already, finally, let go of the last slivers of my romantic love for Erik. I don't want that statment to be misconstrued though. He's my friend and always will be in my heart. But it's gonna take a little struggle to transition back to friendship, but it's going to be eaisier for me now that I've left behind every shred of disire for him to be my boyfriend. To those people who told me I would find someone else who was a better (and probably different) fit, who would willingly give me what I need from them: You know I didn't believe you at the time, but thank you for saying it, because I now know you are right.

I'm considering options for summer, like busking, more art, better burlesque concepts, performing, whatever, just more creativity! And I'll have money!!! I'll be able to take care of myself!! Wooo-hoo!!!

Theres only one thing thats troubling me: the uncertainty. I know somethings about to happen, everything in my life is just about to boom, I know it. I feel that it will be good, that everything will be ok, no, great! But always, there is that small voice in my head that says "what if goes all goes wrong?" I'll focus on the good that my instincts see, and everything will be fine.

You know, I really make nooooooo fucking sense what so ever do I? It's kind of funny, how super hippie spiritual I get. Whatever. I have to get it out somehow!

ummm.... holy fuck..... ok, under eatting combined with two days of insomnia, equals a bizzare feeling in my body and eyes that spell 'not good'.

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